avfc4me

BigMonster went dancing through the brambles, got all scraped up and he was having a mild allergic reaction. No big deal, pop a benadryl, grab the Cortisone 10...

I have the roll-on kind. Unscrewed the cap, rolled Cortisone on his leg...and got a bonus!

SPIDER tumbles out of the cortisone tube, starts running up his leg!


Now, I know you love spiders, M., but neither of us care for them. With that kind of dislike that causes high-pitched squealing and the nefarious GETITOFF seizure dance.



So much for the itchy leg.

www.wsbtv.com/news/news/nation…

There's just SO much wrong here.

1. and most importantly, with THAT title, why oh why is there a video?

2. If you go into a school ... a SCHOOL, and there's a naked man bleeding to death with his dick in his hand...WHY are you trying to have a conversation with him? "He really wasn't saying much at all — a lot of yelling and screaming," Washtenaw County Sheriff's Sgt. Geoff Fox told the newspaper. "He wasn't making sense. They couldn't really communicate with him in terms of constructive conversation." WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO HIM??? Dope him, strap him to the gurney, get him to the hospital, stop the @#$@# bleeding, wait until he sobers up to explain he should take up opera. Errr... soprano. Opera.

Found a snake skin this afternoon at the archery range. Showed it to everyone, then let it go. The breeze caught it, picked it up, and tossed it. Right in front of the porta-potty.

I realized later: the next guy's gonna come along, see that snake skin right there in front of the porta-potty...and wonder: where do you suppose the SNAKE is that belongs to that skin?

I surely hope s/he doesn't have to go TOO bad...

I did a marathon run of Borgia while working into the wee, wee hours. A couple nights in a row.

And then the work was over and I was still mid-story and it was 2am which leads to very odd little discussions in my head. Since...nobody wants to discuss these things with me at 2am.

Well, nobody wants to discuss these things with me at 2pm, either. Hmph.

Anyway. It went like this.

I wonder what would happen if someone found the Spear of Destiny and...upon returning it to the Vatican it was discovered that there was a bit of dried blood caught in a groove? Rehydrated, there was just enough (shut up, M., this is my DAYDREAM, you're not allowed to rain science on my fun religious megalomaniacal nonsense!) blood to produce a clone.

So we're a fly on the wall in the Vatican...see, they cloned Jesus, fed him nothing but scripture and the ways of the world as Jesus would see it...only now, he's been let out supposedly to spread the word and bring the sheep back to the slaughter...errr..fold...

and instead he's in Sao Paulo Brazil preaching birth control, self-reliance, organic roof gardening and rendering what is Ceasar unto Ceasar...which includes the bullshit the catholic church has served up to its people for the last 2,000 years, keeping people impoverished, subjugated and ignorant.

Anyway, as the fly we're overhearing two priests saying it's time to come out and denounce the prophet as a false prophet, or..re-prophet...by suggesting there wasn't enough blood to make a proper clone and hinting that the blood used for the procedure was actually the Pope's ... which would be FUNNY, would it not, because the Pope IS supposed to be God's voice on earth...so...

And that went on for about half an hour, listening in on the plotting and the conniving and the counter-plotting...

Until I heard this little voice in my head say, "What would a modern day Jesus concert LOOK like?"

Hmmm...Yes. Probably not the sitting around the feet making miracle fish and wine, would it? No, these days there would be security guards and track lighting and stage makeup and backup singers. Would he use the Popemobile?

And by this time, it's coming around to 4am. That's the only possible explanation for the next thought...

'cause you know how people are always GRABBING at celebrities? They want to touch them, steal a little piece of them...why...just the other day someone paid some ungodly 5-figure sum ... for one of lady Gaga's fake fingernails...

So where does this inevitably lead?

"Why settle for ordinary children when you could have your very own Jesus clone? Hurry, our phone lines are filling up! Special this evening, not 6, not 5, but no FOUR easy payments of $29.95 and YOU, TOO can be the mother of the son of the son of man. Call now, and we'll give you not one, but TWO Jesus clones for the price of one..."

What's the weirdest thing you've found? Little notes on a chat site? Some rant about medical practices? A funny play on words about your favorite soccer team?

How about turning up DEAD?

Everyone's putting up their old newspapers. Googled my name, came up with 'Mother and baby dead in car accident" from some middle-of-nowhere newspaper.

My mother did die in that accident. She was survived by two brothers and two sisters and her pain in the ass parents. And she did have a baby who was exactly one month old...

but last I checked, I'm still here.

I think.

Maybe?

What a fucked up way to end a day...